i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
