This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Randomize
