Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize