I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
