Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
