OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
