I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize