life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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