Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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