So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
