My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
