The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
