Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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