I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize