you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
