So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
