if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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