you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
