I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
