MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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