I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize