Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
