Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
