she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
