we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
