I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
