I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
