I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
