Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
