I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
