we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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