you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
