Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
