so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
