What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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