jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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