im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
