yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
