no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize