Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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