I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize