Can Purell be used as lube?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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