i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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