my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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