Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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