had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
