just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize