Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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