i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
