If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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