Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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