Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
