good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
