dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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