he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
