Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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