The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
