What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
