I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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