We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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