How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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