I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
