I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
