A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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