he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize