I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My ATM looks so different sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
