Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
