It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize