I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think my fart just growled at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
