tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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