I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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