Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What a dumb baby whore.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
