i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize