You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
