...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm jealous of your bromance
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize