Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
