I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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