she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
