Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
