...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
