I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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