he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
