I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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