he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
