i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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