Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
