it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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