Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize