Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
