pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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