I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
