You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize