The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
