I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
