sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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