Don't EVER smell your tampon
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
