his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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