their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
